Yup. That’s me. Unemployed.
Back in September 2015, my world got just a little wobbly when the company I worked for needed to do some layoffs. In my small, 3 person department, I was the last one hired… and as they say, “the last one fired.” I wasn’t fired, I was laid off. (get it right..)
That day was a whirl-wind of days. It started just like any other day. Until I got an email from my boss’s boss asking me to come to her office. And she did as she promised, “There’s no easy way to say this… so I’m just going to say it…” Yikes.
Quick background on me, if you don’t know me too well. For the most part, I like stability. Ever since high school ended, I’ve pretty much always worked. There was a short year and half or so while I lived in Colorado that I didn’t work, and that was hard for me. Having bills, but no steady income is not comfort for me. I’ve worked really hard in the last couple of years to get myself on a regular budget, and budgets require money, dangit! So this change in finances should have sent me off the deep end!
And yet, while I sat there in that office and listened to this lady, whom I had barely ever spoken to in my life, my heart beating like crazy,the only words going through my head were this.
“Lord, you know what your doing. You are in control. It’s going to be ok.”
And as I walked from that office to another office where a very nice, but tired looking HR lady (she had done a few of these already, poor thing) handed me my layoff papers and asked for my badge with an incredibly attractive photo of me on it (please read the sarcasm), I repeated those words over and over. And then, as that same HR lady walked me to my desk to collect my things and then out the door, I repeated those same words, “Lord, I don’t understand, but I don’t need to. You know. That’s good enough for me.”
I made it all the way to my car before losing it. I quickly called my twin, my best friend, Kayla and tried to explain to her through really thick tears that I had just lost my job. And then something happened.
Oh, that sweet peace that can only come from one place. It’s like my spirit knew to speak out that God was in control, but my head and body were moving a little slowly and just catching up. God DID know what he was doing. God knew. He always knows. That job, was a good job. It paid well enough, had good benefits, had a TON of perks… but I was never really happy with it. It was Data Entry, and while there is NOTHING wrong with Data Entry, my heart was just never in it. And God knew that.
He also knew his daughter. This girl that he created, he knew would never willingly leave that job. It just wouldn’t make sense! So he decided to push her out.
So that day, I drove home from that place for the last time, while talking to Kayla, and by the time I got home, I was laughing with how good God was. In all His faithfulness, he provided a severance that would allow me to take some time to figure out what I wanted to do.
So here I am, a few months later. Still not working, still not entirely sure what I want to do, but living in a peace that will never be explainable. I’ve experienced God’s faithfulness more these last couple of months than I have ever before. I’m making car payments, with a little money and a whole lot of faith. haha! And every single time, he comes through.
That night before I went to bed, I grabbed the book of devotions that I had been reading, Savor by Shauna Niequist. The day’s reading was just perfect. I read this, cried and thanked my Father for his joy and faithfulness.
“I went for a walk one day with my friend Rosa. She’s an elder at our church and has four kids. Her husband owns a successful dental practice. The last few years they’ve been traveling, helping churches all over the world, and they’ve decided to move to North Africa.
I commented that this season, while they’re selling their house and getting ready to move, must feel like an interim season. “You know, Shauna,” she said, “everything is interim. Every season that I thought was stable and would be just how it was for a long time ended up being a preparation or a path to the next thing. When you decide to be on this journey with God, everything is interim.”
Life is like that, twisty and surprising. But life with God is like that exponentially. We can dig in, make plans, write in stone, pretend we’re not listening, but the voice of God has a way of being heard. It seeps in like smoke even when we’ve barred the door, and it moves us, to different countries and emotional territories and ways of living. It keeps us moving and dancing and watching. And with the surprises come great hope.
Psalm 16:11; “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”